Confession of my addiction..

Ephesians 5:3-14

3 Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people. 4 Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God. 5 You can be sure that no immoral, impure, or greedy person will inherit the Kingdom of Christ and of God. For a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world.

6 Don’t be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins, for the anger of God will fall on all who disobey him. 7 Don’t participate in the things these people do. 8 For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light! 9 For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true.

10 Carefully determine what pleases the Lord. 11 Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them. 12 It is shameful even to talk about the things that ungodly people do in secret. 13 But their evil intentions will be exposed when the light shines on them, 14 for the light makes everything visible. This is why it is said,

“Awake, O sleeper,
rise up from the dead,
and Christ will give you light.”

I had promised to be honest, and i will. Thus, this is an entry of confession. I cannot explain how disappointed i am with myself for the lack of self control or how shameful i feel right now.. I can only confess, and pray for forgiveness.

I am making myself accountable to God, as well as to the readers.. I need to have the constant reminder that my life is being watched by God and what i did last night was definitely one of the things that was not pleasing to Him.. Also, the fact that He was watching what i did yesterday..

I like to watch movies online.. And sometimes i like to watch movies that contains explicit scenes. . I guess that pretty much explains everything.

I believed i did make the choice when i chose not to stop the movie immediately when the Korean movie started showing the couple committing adultery.

I believed i did make the choice when i continued watching, and started dreaming about the girl i like in my sleep.

I believed i made the choice not to share this entry before i sleep last night.

As i did Quiet Time this morning, God rebuked me with this verse

1 Peter 2:16
For you are free, yet you are God's slaves, so don't use your freedom as an excuse to do evil.

Filled with remorse, i started contemplating whether to share this online, exposing for everyone to see..

I continued having breakfast, and saw this DVD: The Cross and the switchblade lying on the table and decided to watch it. When I saw how some of the youths' life were, I realised how much more fortunate I was, and yet i don't think i am being appreciative..

Right at this very moment, as I am typing this, my heart feels lighter. I may be seen in a different light after some read this, some whom are even my closest friends. I do admit right now, I have this particular addiction, this particular part of me that I will now, completely handover to Jesus. Like what I did with my smoking, drinking and overeating.

I have been losing weight successfully, and thus i will take the same steps i have taken for my diet.

1st, Flee.
1 Corinthians 6:18a
Run from Sexual sin!

2nd, Out of Sight, Out of mind.
Luke 11:34
"Your eye is a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is good, your whole body is filled with light. But when it is bad, your body is filled with darkness..."

I will pray diligently and i ask the readers for help to pray that i can overcome this addiction. I will keep an update, as i do with my weight..

At the end of this entry, God brought this verse to mind..

1 John 1:9
But if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness..

Thank you Lord..